Newsroom Snickering

I am a night owl, as most would clearly see by the time I am writing this post.  The news just before late night TV shows give me all the news I can afford to watch, coupled with another half hour of reading the Times before going to work.

But I’ve noticed something recently between the anchorman and anchorwoman on WCBS’s 11:00 news.  At first, it was just a little bit of teasing that both parties were guilty of, but now it looks to be jokes not unsimilar to those tossed around between fictional newscasters on Family Guy.  The other night, I heard the anchorwoman ”Coming up, a publication that [anchorman's name] has his heart set on joining,” or something similar.

Sure enough, the story was on the new FDNY calendar, where New York’s finest firefighters pose to help fund raise, I guess.  After the story, the anchorman stated he took offense to the earlier comment, and she said, “Oh come on!  You love to look at yourself.”  And then to sports.

I figure someone should record the news every day to keep watch of their antics and edit them together.  I see this getting more and more juicy.

Open Season at the Office

At my place of work, the summer months are when the work gets heavy.  Most people would tighten up in this situation, but I loosen up if anything.  I don’t know, I guess the fact that most of my posts are nightly postings show that I am a bit of a night owl.  The office is not open at night, thus most of my work gets done at home, at night.  Honestly, I just show up at the office for meetings.  My personal space at the office is infested with cobwebs I bet.

I will not say what I do for a living, but I will tell you that the office atmosphere is a bitch.  That is why, in the summer months when tensions are higher, I like to humor myself (and sometimes others) with office pranks.  Here are a few of my personal favorites:

• Fill a male co-worker’s stapler with effeminate pink staples without him knowing
• Collect coupons for embarrassing health care products and then decorate a co-worker’s cubicle with them while they are out
• Leave out of order signs on: copier, restroom door, co-worker’s computer, meeting room door, water cooler, chairs, office entrance
• Draw on parking lot with sidewalk chalk (might have to get to office early, lots of potential)

Some I do not recommend, but I have done in the past:

• A coworker who goes out for Chinese food every day comes back with horrible smelling breath.  One day after he went out, I dumped 400 fortune cookies in his cubicle.  Where did I get 400 fortune cookies?  You’d be surprised how easy and cheap they are to get.  I was.
• I got to the office really early.  A custodian let me in and helped me move the table and chairs out of the meeting room.  I brought in a TV and a couple of bean bag chairs.  When people arrived, they questioned it at first, and then they just assumed it was okay.  The boss came in and threw a fit once he caught half a dozen people in there watching Price is Right, all while I watched on the sidelines.  My most successful and gratifying prank ever.
• I once let a couple of rats loose in the office.  I told my supervisor they were pets and I accidentally brought them in with me, in what was an Oscar-worthy performance of the concerned pet-owner.  The entire office was engaged in a game of cat and mouse.  We spent the entire day and only found one of them.  At least that’s what they thought.  I had actually secretly taken one of them back.  They still think there is a rat scurrying around.

Why would I choose to tell you all of this while probably sacrificing my job?  I am quitting that damn place tomorrow and starting somewhere new on Friday.  Figured I’d let someone in on my genius.