Outcome Altering

How about that stock market?  I accidentally dropped a dollar into the sewer today and cried.

That being said, I’m sorry not to have posted, but work’s been hectic.  I’ll assume all’s been forgiven and forgotten (*crickets chirping*).

Anyway, I’ve had an interesting idea.  Mainly, it revolves around the fact that the Internet has incredible potential to anyone wanting to get a message to invade culture.  I don’t mean advertisements, that is something that has pretty much met its full potential on the Internet (I mean to say that if it were to go any further I’d swear myself off the Internet for good).  I mean a message with some meaning could be spread across the nation and further.  Lolcats and rickrolling are examples of this, but imagine if whoever made the next lolcat-type meem had an agenda.  What message would he spread?

Could he spread a good message, one that will tell people to save the world from global warming or some other nonsense?  Could he send a bad message, one that would taint the reputation of a presidential candidate and turn the tide of an election?

Look up the Church of Scientology protests and maybe it will become a little clearer.

Cottonelle for Kleenex

This morning on the bus, I overheard a conversation.  I did not have a newspaper to read or a Blackberry to keep me busy, so I kept busy on the personal lives of all the other passengers.  Unfortunately, I wish I hadn’t heard it.

A man and a woman to my left, further back in the bus, sat in silence until the man broke it with “My ass hurts.”

The woman was probably at least a friend of his, and asked, “Did you hurt it by sitting on your fat ass too much?”

“No, but I’m pretty sure how.  It kind of sucks.”

The woman was amused at his pain.  She asked, “What did you do?”

“Well, a week ago I didn’t see that there was only one sheet of toilet paper on the roll.  When I used it, I was stuck on the toilet.  I leaned over to get another roll from under the sink, but when I looked, there wasn’t one there either.  I thought for a few minutes, and then I grabbed something else from the bathroom.”

“Eww! A Towel?” She was horrified.  So was the woman next to her.

“No! No, I tried a tissue.”

She looked at him, and he looked back with sincerity.

“It was actually kind of comfortable.  Much softer than toilet paper, but– I don’t know, I guess I must have had a reaction, because I’ve had a rash off and on for the last week.”

Everyone within earshot was wiggling in their seats.

Comic Anxiety: Public Restrooms

So I’m doing my business.  I’m in the first stall in the row and the only other gentleman currently in the room is in the stall on the opposite side.  I remember being amused by a vandal’s posting on the stall’s wall: “Toy Story II was O.K.“

That’s when I heard a pair of sneakers walk into my room, an unseen hand push against my stall door, and then on the one next to mine with more success.  As he sat down, I grabbed some toilet paper.  Then I heard a loud sound of liquid streaming that I was not quite expecting; it sounded as if he had been standing.

I looked under our conjoining wall and saw those sneakers defying my expectations; he was in fact sitting down.  I pondered the short list of possibilities and checked them against my small knowledge of pee physics, and concluded there was no explanation, unless…

I had acquired a somewhat nervous sweat.  I half wished that a woman had accidentally entered the men’s room, but I knew the chances were slim.

Now, I know that public restrooms are not an easy topic for those whose bottom parts do not match the rest of their gender’s.  Still, it was unsettling for me to encounter this and so I write about it, not to offend anyone, but to recount my embarrassing experience.  With that, I write on.

So I hastily continue grabbing toilet paper and I hear the loud piddling noise stop and he starts unrolling toilet paper.  As I get up, I see him get up too and confirm that there was no mistake.  I cannot remember if I had flushed or not, because I was too busy focusing on him and how to get out of the bathroom before him.  I do not want to have to face him.

Unfortunately, he and I came face to face at the sinks.  He noticed me looking at him and said, “Hey.”  I did not say anything. I came this close to the door when I slipped.  I think I banged my head, but I got up right away and said, “Sorry.”  I’m not sure what the thought process for that was.  My head hurt, so I guess I had an excuse.

As I left, the janitor entered.  He brought a “Wet Floor” sign.  When I got home, I remembered that I forgot my briefcase in the stall.

I’m not so sure I like this dark theme anymore.  Still deciding.

So Happy

I want to explain where I have been the past week and a half, but I really cannot.  Sorry.  If it is any consolation, I am really happy right now.  Incredible feelings are emanating as the people can surely tell and the adrenaline is rushing through my body with every pulse of my heart.

I want to explain what it is I am so excited about, but I truly must not.  Later, I may be able to tell you.  I’ll just leave you with this: it is sure to be the best day of my life thus far. 

Scroll down to see if you can catch me online or if you want to see some Rudolf approved viral videos.  Thanks.  This has been a PSA approved by Rudolf Pendi.

Blog Theme

ChaosTheory pretty much sums it up.  What does it summarize?  Pfft, what doesn’t it?

Everything goes out of order.  Think about it.  When you shuffle a deck of cards, your cards are put into a state of disorder.  Just try to shuffle an already shuffled deck into perfect order (you have to do it without looking, but I thought that went without saying).

Unfortunately, if you tripped with your ice cream cone, your ice cream does not fall in perfect order in your hand as it came from the vendor.  It splatters out randomly in all directions!  It gets on your shirt, and your fall startles the woman walking in front of you.  She drops her bags on the foot of her toddler, who screams out in pain, leading to absolute Chaos!

Chaos practically runs our lives.  We hope to plan, but chaos tends to work against us.  The chaos that surrounds us is unavoidable, but it doesn’t always mean that we cannot still work to succeed what we plan.  Chaos can be our friend too; we can use…

There goes the LOCD again.  Yeah, ChaosTheory sounds good.

I need some sleep.  Nothing good ever happens after 3 AM.

About this Blog

Let’s just say I don’t wish to inflate my ego so much as to make an “About Me” page, because honestly, I’m not that interesting.  It’s my thoughts, my actions, things done unto me that people should find interesting.  I did not think my life interesting enough to blog about, but today was one of “those days.”

Hrm… I’m not so sure you know what I mean by one of “those days.”  You may think I mean the boss is riding hard on you, all-day-long migraine, TV isn’t working, girlfriend broke up with you.  Those are things we’ve all heard before.  Well, today I stepped on a squirrel.

Wait, did you read that correctly?  You better check.  Did you check?

Yes.  Literally.  I would show you a picture or something, but I’m pretty sure it’s gone.  It’s not even worth going back out for.  Honestly, stuff like this happens all the time.  That’s NYC for you.  Crazy.

So I made this blog.  My friend John’s told me for years, MAKE A BLOG IT CANT HURT ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SIGN UP JUST WRITE A PARAGRAPH A DAY THATS ALL.

But a paragraph would never be enough for me.  It never feels done, a weird side effect to my personality.  There’s always more than one facet to my story.  I have to tell it all, in what could be the worst possible case of literary OCD (and let’s not forget to mention literary ADD).  It’s impossible.  So why am I doing it?

Well, there’s the squirrel.  But also… have you ever gotten the feeling like you could be famous by doing what you normally do?  Why not write a novel about the average?  Or the mundane?  Why not write about the suonerific trumpet soliloquy that had the gall to take on the orchestra of screeching violins and violas that the world has called its theme for the past eternity?

Whew, that was a mouthful.  That sentence may have been more trouble than it was worth.

My head hurts.